Monopoly...With Debit Cards?

Remember the good old days?

Okay, me neither.

But remember when Monopoly was a game that had money? Colored money that meant you could potentially buy Park Place and Boardwalk?



Well, last night I was horrified to see a commercial for this new Monopoly game with an electronic bank.

Naturally, I had to look into this as Monopoly was a huge part of my childhood. (And apparently Ridley Scott's too. Last year he announced that he will be directing a comedy-thriller based on the game.)

They say you can "wheel and deal your way to a fortune even faster using debit cards instead of cash."

What?!

Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose? Wasn't half the fun counting you money and separating the colors and fighting over who got to be the dog or the car and who'd be stuck as the lame-ass thimble?

Yeah, well that's gone too. They've updated the game pieces to be a Segway personal transporter, an Altoids tin, a space shuttle, a flat-screen TV, a baseball cap and a dog in a handbag.

And I must be out of the Monopoly loop to begin with because when I was trying to find a plain old Monopoly photo to use I stumbled across about 50 different Monopoly games on amazon.com.

Did you know there's NBA Monopoly? Elvis Monopoly? Star Wars Monopoly? Family Guy Monopoly? New York Yankees Monopoly? Lord Of The Rings Monopoly? Cat Lovers Monopoly? I mean...really?

That's all fine, I suppose. A monolopoly for your every whim. But debit cards? Are we in that much of a hurry that we can't even count our amber, pink, and baby blue money?

Sad.

Sad, sad, sad.

And they won't get me to play that way. I will always play old school Monopoly, I will always be the dog, and I will take you on anytime.

Bring it.

Dr. Drew Is In...No Matter Where You Are Or What Your Problem Is

When I was in high school, Dr. Drew was the "love expert." He'd host his popular show, "Loveline," where people could call in and whine about why he or she just wasn't that into them.

Next up he resurfaced as the "health and human relations expert" on the first season of Big Brother.


I don't know what a health and human relations expert is or how you become one but he apparantly was one.

Then he emerged with his television series, "Strictly Sex with Dr. Drew," and after that the shortened titled, "Strictly Dr. Drew." Why no more sex? The mind reels...

Now he's the "drug expert" as he hosts Celebrity Rehab.

But can someone answer me this question: Why is he allowed to be the expert on everything?

He is taking over as the Dr. Phil, I-Need-To-Have-My-Hand-In-It Guy. And I'm guessing Dr. Phil is pissed.

He's everywhere. He's commenting on Brittany Spears. But so is Dr. Phil. He's on CNN to talk about Spitzer's whore. And so is Dr. Phil.

I suggest that Dr. Drew and Dr. Phil duke it out. Celebrity Dr. Death Match Style.

I think there's only room for one.

Who's with me?

Diablo Cody vs Ashley Alexandra Dupré

Here we have Ashley:


And below we have, "Diablo."

So, how long before Ashley gets the book deal, the movie deal and the cult status?

Discuss...